July 12, 2014

XUAN’EN

I don’t know where to start.  So much emotion, activity and new experiences packed into a single day.  Dawn and I couldn’t be prouder of Xixi.   Today a poised, confident and engaging young woman represented our family to those that cared for her first.

Xixi's Orphanage

I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but any hopes that we had for this trip continue to be surpassed.  We headed to the orphanage early this morning and were greeted by the entire staff, including a few of the nanny’s that cared for Xixi as an infant.  We exchanged gifts and Xixi received a small horse statue (representing the year of her birth) carved out of a local, rare stone.  The statue is also a stamp, engraved with Xixi’s Chinese name.   The director laughed and said that she could sign her paintings with it.  Xixi loves it and will cherish this representation of her home.

To our friends in Seattle with daughters from Xuan’en, we brought photos of our 5 girls (taken at our gotcha day gatherings) to share with the orphanage staff.  They were so excited to see each of them and had many questions.  Unfortunately, we only brought two group photos, one from when they were 4-years-old and the other from this year.  They were disappointed we didn’t bring their Chinese names.  So, we have a homework assignment.  We’ll need to gather photos, include their Chinese names, and email them to the staff. It was great to see their genuine interest and curiosity.  They were so happy to receive the photos that we did bring.

After the formalities were completed, the orphanage director brought out Xixi’s file and we were allowed to pour through its contents, ask questions and learn new details.  As in Shanwei, it was very emotional and we spent a long time asking questions and learning firsthand about the staff’s recollection of her.  Xixi was right in the middle of it.  Xixi is reflective and observant by nature.  It’s what makes her a good artist.  At times she was quiet, but engaged; chewing on the right side of her cheek and tongue (as she had done since being a baby) that indicates she’s deep in thought.

[The next few paragraphs are included with special permission from Xixi]

We spent a long time asking questions and digging into a hand-written note from in the file.  It was the note that had been left with Xixi when she was abandoned in January 2003.  It included her date of birth.  The director and our guide were passing it back and forth, trying to decipher exactly the Chinese characters.  At one point I saw Xixi reach for it and then pull back, a tear beginning to form in her eye.  I asked her if she wanted to hold it and she declined, but she was only being polite.  Dawn and I interrupted the debate over the note and passed it to her.  This may be the only physical representation of her birth mother and she needed to hold it in her hands.  She held it carefully and ran her fingers over the characters and then her tears began to flow. 

It was a profound moment for all of us.  She moved closer to Dawn and I whispered that she could take her time.  Dawn struggled with not being able to “fix” this for her and we both shed a few tears of our own.  She was coming to grips with her history and the tragic side of her story.  She was also feeling gratitude for being able to meet these people and for being with us.  She composed herself while Jing moved in and handed her tissues.  Even through the emotion, she seemed so confident and calm.  Dawn and I just marveled at her courage.

We continued looking through the file and shared a few words with the staff and then we moved on to a tour of the orphanage.  The girls got to play for an hour or so with a few children close to their own ages.  The emotion from the early phase was replaced with laughter and fun…a welcome change for all of us.  We then departed to see the orphanages original location, where Xixi had lived for the first year of her life.  We went to her “finding spot” at the orphanages gate and then went into the interior of the building.  It’s not in use now, but the childcare area and cribs were still there.  We were able to see the room and one of the cribs she had slept in.   We were also able to reenact some photos that we have of her as a toddler that were taken in a courtyard near the original orphanage.

Xixi was photographed next to this monument as a toddler as well.

The staff went beyond our expectations and spent the afternoon with us by driving us up into the mountains to visit a tea growing village comprised of two local minority groups.  Words can’t describe how beautiful the terrain, bamboo forests, terraced tea plants and rustic farmer’s houses were.  We were allowed into people’s homes, walked through ancient town streets and drank tea.  It rained for most of the tour but didn’t dampen our spirits as it brought welcome coolness.  The rain also seemed appropriate when viewing the lush fields, rushing streams and terraced hillsides.  Our guide laughed when we all pulled out ultra-light REI rain jackets from our day packs!

Tomorrow we fly to Beijing and begin the second phase of our journey.  We are excited to see the sights, but also a little sad that the time spent in our girls’ cities is coming to an end.   I think there’s one more post coming regarding our last week…and then it’s off to join the ranks of the tourist masses.  I hope there are still meaningful stories to come.