July 25, 2014

CHINA

Experiences, emotions, the anxiety of the unknown, the fatigue of travel all mingle together to create memories. Each moment loses its clarity and is mingled in the timeline of travel. We want to capture our thoughts on the China before they are interwoven by our new experiences in Vietnam.

While we didn’t write explicit goals for our trip, we looked forward to the girls connecting with their home country in a meaningful way, to the girls gaining a sense of belonging and community by returning to their home cities, and to have fun as a family in a place that is so special to us. “Check” on all three.

On our most optimistic days, we hoped to find new information regarding our girls’ origins. We hoped to be received warmly by the orphanage staff and to make a lasting connection. We also hoped that Xixi and Jing would return to the US extremely proud of their country of origin with a desire to return to China and to learn more. “Check” on all counts.

Independently, as we were sitting in the Guilin airport waiting for our flight to Hong Kong, both girls expressed regret that their time in China was ending. Xixi said she wasn’t ready to leave and Jing doesn’t want to wait long to return. Sure, there were some aspects of the trip that could have gone better, but in the grand scope of things – their comments regarding their new connection to China and their desire to return help Dawn and I know that this was the correct thing to do. The girls now love China more, understand it better, and have an appreciation for so many different components of the culture.

Travel can be exhausting, especially for children. Cultural differences, new foods, the unknown, and lack of routine can all combine to create stress and unhappiness. Dawn and I are so proud of how the girls reacted to these pressures and the grace in which they handled challenging situations. Don’t get me wrong – we are human and we’ve definitely had moments on this trip when the stress of travel has gotten to us. But when it counted, Xixi and Jing were amazing and because of their willingness to embrace the unknown, they have a cartload of experiences to take with them. They have become great little travelers, and because of that, Dawn and I were able to just enjoy the moments as they unfolded.

They are 11 and 9 years old. 10 or 20 years from now, what will they remember from this trip? when I reflect back on when I was between 4th and 6th grades I have a few significant memories, but most have faded. I’m confident for both Xixi and Jing – that this trip is far more than memory. It is formative. They have added a layer to the understanding of themselves that will be more than just a recollection of the fun events. These experiences are now part of them, help complete their individual stories and add to their personal foundations as they are pushed headlong into adolescence.

Dawn and I were both struck by the maturity, strength and kindness of all the girls on the heritage trip. They were fearless, open and so fun. Maybe it was just the moment, and the fact they were with a group of kindred souls, each sharing a profound life event with each other, but their kindness, openness and smarts seemed exceptional. They have formed a community and will stay in touch with each other. We couldn’t ask for better role models for Xixi and Jing. They now have a network of friends and mentors, a group of older sisters.

Over breakfast this morning we talked about our favorite aspects of our time in China. For all of us the orphanage visits stand out as the biggest highlight. Both girls talked about importance of meeting their orphanage directors and their nannies. They each have a sense of pride in their home cities. Dawn and I really enjoyed getting to know these places. They are not often visited by tourists and we were allowed to explore them from a different standpoint. They help us to understand our girls and the people that cared for them. I know we may be exaggerating but we can see characteristics of Shanwei in Jing and Xuan’en in Xixi.

The photos that accompany this post are directly related to the orphanage visits. In each case we received new photos of the girls from before their lives with us; Jing with her director and Xixi as an infant (very soon after joining the orphanage).

Jing with the Director of Her Orphanage

Xixi as an Infant

Beyond the orphanage visits we each of have other highlights. For Dawn the orphanage cities and everything about them stand alone as the most important. Xixi says she loved everything and when I asked her to come up with her top two experiences; she named six or seven (Great Wall, Terra Cotta Warriors, pandas, and markets…essentially all things Chinese). Jing named the group travel and making new friends as a highlight (to which Xixi agreed). The orphanage visits stand out for me as well, but I also really enjoyed seeing the girls interact with the other adopted daughters and how instantly they all bonded. I also really enjoyed sharing the cultural treasures of China with the girls and seeing their positive reactions.

As I read back through these posts…it seems we also really enjoyed eating! So, even though it didn’t come to mind first for us, we definitely had some amazing meals. For the first time in weeks we were given forks at our evening meal last night (taking the easy route at the resort buffet). I thought it funny that the girls navigated to the Pho’ soup station and ended up back at the table with chopsticks….something that feels very comfortable now.

I think it’s obvious from our posts how much we appreciate China, its people and culture. Our perceptions of China are heavily influenced by the adoptions and consistent, positive travel experiences over 12 years. So if our blog posts reflect a bias, we don’t apologize for it. I speak for the four of us when I say that we don’t know when we’ll return, but we know we will.